Everyone who attends a wedding expresses their wish to the newlyweds that they will build a bayis ne’eman beYisrael — a faithful Jewish home. Their wishes are a beautiful blessing to the chassan and kallah, yet it remains the young couple’s responsibility to do what is necessary to transform that noble sentiment into reality. While this is no easy task, G-d has illuminated the way toward its fulfillment.
In Parshas Vayakheil, Moshe instructs Betzalel to make the Holy Ark, with two cherubim standing atop, “their faces turned toward each other,” spreading their wings over the ark (Shemos 37:9).
Later in Navi, however, the verse describing the dimensions of the cherubim that Shlomo Hamelech placed in the Holy Temple states that “their faces were toward the house” (11:3:13). According to Radak, the cherubim faced east, toward the sanctuary, meaning that they stood side by side and were not facing each other. So why were the cherubim in the Temple positioned differently from those in the Tabernacle?
The Gemara (Bava Basra 99a) explains that the cherubim in the Temple were constructed just as Moshe described them, facing each other. But they remained facing each other only as long as the Jewish people followed G-d’s commands. When, during the reign of Shlomo Hamelech, the Jewish people failed to follow G-d’s will, the cherubim turned away from each other and stood side by side, facing the sanctuary. Only when we follow His commands and subordinate our wishes and desires to those of G-d will the cherubim face each other.
To create an everlasting home, the chassan and kallah must be like the cherubim and face each other. They both must be sensitive to the wishes and desires of their partner and be prepared to subordinate their own desires to those of their spouse, just as they both must subordinate their desires to G-d’s commandments. If they are successful in this mutual sacrifice, they will achieve a balance that will enable them to grow together.
The ability of the chassan and kallah to face each other is similarly an essential ingredient in building and maintaining the sanctuary that is the Jewish home. This can be achieved by being a nediv leiv — by giving of oneself voluntarily and wholeheartedly. This quality was demonstrated in the wilderness by the entire Jewish nation when it came time for the actual construction of the Tabernacle. G-d commanded Moshe to collect from the Jewish people the gold, silver, copper, skins, stones, wood and wool needed for the project. Yet G-d never specified how much to give. That decision was left to each Jew. Immediately, “the entire community of the children of Israel departed from before Moshe” (Shemos 35:20) to go to their homes and bring their contributions. They were not just willing but eager to supply with a full heart what was necessary — without looking at what the other was doing.
My dear chassan and kallah, what is the secret to building a sanctuary for a home? Each of you must not simply provide for the other but you must do so freely, anxiously and wholeheartedly, without expecting anything in return, motivated solely by the desire to make each other happy. You must keep your home focused on spiritual development, continually learning and growing. If you are successful in bringing these ingredients into your marriage, you will create an unbreakable bond and a home in which the cherubim see eye to eye and reflect the sanctity that G-d bestows upon every good union.