Learning The Lesson
Dating comes with its twists and turns, trials and tribulations. Part and parcel of meeting the right man or woman is meeting the wrong man or woman. While shadchanim do their best to make appropriate and suitable matches, there is much more to a person than a resume. And so, as it happens, people end up going out with individuals who are not for them, or more concerningly, going out with someone who exhibits behaviors and habits that indicate red flags.
If and when such a situation comes your way and it has come to a difficult, yet fortunate end, write down what lessons you have learned. Document them (in a notebook or diary) and keep them fresh in your mind. By writing them down, you will ensure that you remember the nature of those red flags and as well ensure that you do not fall for someone of that same personality or temperament once again.
Here are some questions to ask yourself and write down in the process:
– How did I justify his or her behavior? Why did I let it go? Why did I allow them to mistreat me?
– Did I listen to my inner voice warning me something was wrong?
– What will I do differently next time?
Success is failure turned inside out. Otherwise, as the saying goes, if you fail to prepare, you are preparing to fail. You may likely miss out on similar red flags that come up in a future relationship and continue without realizing it. Your best move is to look to your past and prepare for the future.
Dreamy Infatuation or Genuine Respect?
One important emotion to keep in check early on in the dating process is that of infatuation.
While it is often inevitable, over time, it can likely mask itself as true respect and fool an individual. Infatuation can trickily begin with great verbal and emotional chemistry and quickly lead to the feeling, “He/she is so amazing…!” True respect, in contrast, does not typically translate into that same tunnel-vision adoration where all you see is perfection. Rather, you see their faults and failings and still value and admire them. It possesses a deeper quality and texture and doesn’t generally come along with the same wistful and dreamy imaginations that infatuation tends to. The difference is often subtle and hard to detect, but so ever important.