What to do when you don’t know if this is the one.
What do you do if you’re in a long-term relationship and don’t know if this is your person? Do you break up, get married, or just to keep dating and wait to see where things go? How do you decide what to do when there is no easy answer?
If you’re in doubt, keep dating. When in doubt, go out. Don’t worry that you may be leading your date on; if you’re on an honest journey towards clarity, you’re doing what’s best for the relationship. Give you and your dating partner the time you need to gain clarity, each your own pace. This way you won’t be missing out on what could be a wonderful and long-lasting relationship.
But what if you’ve already continued dating for extra-long time and still don’t know? We need to explore decision-making from the perspective of your mind, body, and soul.
Sometimes the best way to make sense of your thinking is to talk your thoughts and feelings out with a trusted friend, mentor, family member, professional or a therapist. Talking it out helps you gain clarity and objectivity. Keep your confidants to a minimum; you don’t want to be overwhelmed by too many different opinions.
Make sure your mentor doesn’t try to tell you what to do or control your decisions. Your mentor should be helping you figure out your own thoughts and feelings. A good mentor will listen the majority of the time, and ask some good questions a minority of the time. They’ll help you make sense of what you are experiencing.
For your own personal use, make an honest list or pro-con chart, what you like and what you don’t prefer to have in a partner. Write everything you like and don’t like, even if you think some of your preferences or dislikes might be judged. You are not too picky. You must validate what you think is important in a partner. Validation will help you figure out how you really feel. Sit with it and accept what you are looking for without shame.
When evaluating your relationship, don’t be afraid to authentically feel your feelings and get in touch with your body. Feelings can trigger you into feeling physical phenomena that can give you extra insight into your feelings about your partner.
What are the physical signs and body language you demonstrate when you are talking with your partner, thinking about them, and physically spending time with them? Ask yourself where the feelings are coming from? If they are negative, are the feelings coming from something they are doing or maybe anxiety or something in your past that you are harboring in your subconscious? Try writing down your feelings in a log that you’ll keep throughout your dating journey. That is a great tool to help you keep tabs on what you are feeling emotionally and physically.
This is the most intuitive challenge in your evaluation process. Get quiet, meditate and listen to your inner voice. Only you know what you want and what you are experiencing. You are the one that you need to make happy – not the rest of the world trying to tell you what to do. Don’t let other people silence your voice. Listen to yourself.
Sometimes you just need more information and can’t make a decision without having certain experiences with your partner. So take your time, and date until you get the information and experiences you need to be sure of your decision.
When it comes time to make a final decision, weigh in what you think and how you feel about this relationship with your mentors, and your mind, body and soul. And remember, when in doubt, keep going out. Clarity will come eventually.
May you get the clarity you need to make the right decision with confidence.